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Is it normal to have kinky fantasies? What research says

A 2015 study of over 1,000 Canadians found that about half of all men and almost half of all women held fantasies of bondage.[1] Kink, often referred to as BDSM, is described as an important aspect of a sizable minority's sexual desires, practices and personal relationships.[2]

In short

  • About half of men and almost half of women in a 2015 Canadian study of over 1,000 people held bondage fantasies.[1]
  • BDSM is an umbrella term for erotic behaviour between consenting adults, and it is commonly mistaken as being 'all about pain'.[3][4]
  • Early psychiatric models of sadism and masochism were built on psychiatric patients and on the assumption of psychopathology.[5]
  • Informed consent is a fundamental principle, and participants usually negotiate in advance.[6][7]
  • In a survey of 1,398 kink-involved people, 58.3% had not disclosed their kink behaviour to their physical healthcare clinician.[8]

What the numbers say

A 2015 study of over 1,000 Canadians showed that about half of all men held fantasies of bondage, and almost half of all women did as well.[1] Bondage is described as the practice of physical restraint, and it is usually, but not always, a sexual practice.[9]

Kink is described as an important aspect of a sizable minority's sexual desires, practices and personal relationships.[2] The same paper notes that there are few ways to assess kink engagement in a holistic manner, which is why its authors developed a new scale.[2]

What counts as kink

BDSM is an umbrella term for certain kinds of erotic behaviour between consenting adults, encompassing various subcultures.[3] It covers bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, sadomasochism, and other related interpersonal dynamics.[10]

BDSM is commonly mistaken as being 'all about pain'.[4] Many BDSM activities involve no pain or humiliation, but just the exchange of power and control.[4]

From fantasy to agreed play

BDSM actions can often take place during a specific period of time agreed to by both parties, referred to as 'play', a 'scene', or a 'session'.[11] Pre-play negotiations are commonplace, and they concern the interests and fantasies of each partner and establish a framework of both acceptable and unacceptable activities.[12]

A 2003 study based on 17 heterosexual couples found that respondents considered exploring their BDSM interests an ongoing task.[13][14] The 'perfect match', where both partners shared the same tastes and desires, was rare, and most relationships required both partners to take up or put away some of their desires.[14]

Why 'normal' was once a clinical question

The German psychiatrist Richard von Krafft-Ebing introduced the terms sadism and masochism to the medical community in 1890.[15] Both Freud and Krafft-Ebing were psychiatrists whose observations depended on psychiatric patients, and their models were built on the assumption of psychopathology.[5]

In the later 20th century, BDSM activists protested against these conceptual models.[5] The terms as used in BDSM differ somewhat from their use in psychology, where they require that the sadism or masochism cause significant distress or involve non-consenting partners.[16]

Consent as the frame

The fundamental principles for the exercise of BDSM require that it be performed with the informed consent of all parties.[6] For that consent, people must have relevant information and the necessary mental capacity to judge.[17]

BDSM play is usually structured so that the consenting partner can withdraw consent at any point during a scene, for example by using a safeword agreed in advance.[18][19] In general, BDSM participants go to greater lengths than people in conventional relationships to negotiate the important aspects of their relationships in advance.[7]

Stigma and seeking care

In a survey of 1,398 kink-involved people, 58.3% had not disclosed their kink behaviour to their physical healthcare clinician and 49.6% had not disclosed it to their mental healthcare clinician.[8] Some 19.0% reported delaying or avoiding healthcare because of anticipated or perceived stigma.[8] The authors note that the convenience sampling and self-report design affect how far the results can be generalised.[8]

A study of 513 US adults found that marks and injuries from BDSM-related activities are common and quite varied.[20] Its authors describe it as one of the few studies exploring this topic.[20]

Terms in this guide: BDSM, Kink, Consent, Negotiation, Safeword, Scene, SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual), RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink)

Sources

  1. Source grade BJoyal, Christian C.; Cossette, Amélie; Lapierre, Vanessa (February 2015). "What Exactly Is an Unusual Sexual Fantasy?". The Journal of Sexual Medicine . 12 (#2): 328– 340. doi : 10.1111/jsm.12734 . ISSN 1743-6095 . PMID 25359122 . S2CID 33785479 . doi.org (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  2. Source grade BLiam Wignall, Mark McCormack, Tom Carpino, Rebecca Owens, Thomas Barton. The Kink Orientation Scale: Developing and Validating a Measure of Kink Desire, Practice, and Identity. The Journal of Sex Research. 2024. doi:10.1080/00224499.2024.2387769
  3. Source grade C"Dictionary of BDSM Terms" . Archived from the original on 2 December 2014 . Retrieved 26 November 2014 . xeromag.com (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  4. Source grade CBarker, Iantaffi & Gupta 2007 , p. 13 (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  5. Source grade CKrueger & Kaplan 2001, p. 393: "The DSM nomenclature referring to sexual psychopathology has been criticized as being vague and not having undergone DSM field trials." ( Note: "DSM" here is not related to "BDSM". It is the standard abbreviation for the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders .) (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  6. Source grade CBill Henkin, Sybil Holiday: Consensual Sadomasochism : How to Talk About It and How to Do It Safely , page 64, Publisher: Daedalus Publishing Company 2006, ISBN 978-1-881943-12-9 (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  7. Source grade CWiseman, Jay. "Negotiation and Negotiation Forms" . Archived from the original on 2 December 2014 . Retrieved 26 November 2014 . evilmonk.org (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  8. Source grade BSprott RA, Randall A, Smith K, Woo L. Rates of Injury and Healthcare Utilization for Kink-Identified Patients. J Sex Med. 2021. doi:10.1016/j.jsxm.2021.08.001
  9. Source grade CMatthias T. J. Grimme: Das Bondage-Handbuch. Anleitung zum erotischen Fesseln . Charon-Verlag, Hamburg 1999, ISBN 978-3-931406-16-5 . (German) (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  10. Source grade CWeiss, Margot (2015). "BDSM (bondage, discipline, domination, submission, sadomasochism)". The International Encyclopedia of Human Sexuality . pp. 113– 196. doi : 10.1002/9781118896877.wbiehs043 . ISBN 978-1-4051-9006-0 . doi.org (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  11. Source grade CMiller, Phillip; Devon, Molly; Granzig, William A. (1995). Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism . Mystic Rose Books. p. 55 . ISBN 978-0-9645960-0-9 . archive.org (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  12. Source grade DDavid Stein: S/M's Copernican Revolution:From a Closed World to the Infinite Universe and Safe Sane Consensual: The Evolution of a Shibboleth available at s/m-leather history [ link removed ] (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  13. Source grade CCutler 2003 , p. 99 (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  14. Source grade CCutler 2003 , p. 102 (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  15. Source grade BDetails describing the development of the theoretical construct "perversion" by Krafft-Ebing and his relation to this terms, see Andrea Beckmann, Journal of Criminal Justice and Popular Culture , 2001; 8(#2) 66–95 online at Deconstructing Myths Archived 3 March 2016 at the Wayback Machine albany.edu (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  16. Source grade CMcGreal, Scott A. (25 July 2013). "BDSM, Personality and Mental Health" . Psychology Today . Archived from the original on 3 December 2019 . Retrieved 26 November 2014 . psychologytoday.com (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  17. Source grade CDossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy: The New Topping Book , Greenery Press (CA) 2002, ISBN 978-1-890159-36-8 (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  18. Source grade CDossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy: The New Topping Book , page 72, Greenery Press (CA) 2002, ISBN 978-1-890159-36-8 (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  19. Source grade CWiseman, Jay (1998). SM 101: A Realistic Introduction . California: Greenery Press. ISBN 978-0-9639763-8-3 .; Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy: The New Topping Book , page 71, Greenery Press (CA) 2002 (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  20. Source grade BDrouin M, Hernandez E, Machette A, Garcia JR, Boyd RL. An exploration of marks/injuries related to BDSM sexual experiences. Sex Med. 2023. doi:10.1093/sexmed/qfad020
  21. Source grade CWiseman, Jay (1998). SM 101: A Realistic Introduction . California: Greenery Press. ISBN 978-0-9639763-8-3 . (via Wikipedia: BDSM)
  22. Source grade BRatcliff SE, Wright S, Herbenick D, Sunassee AA, Cummings K, Zachary T, et al.. Why Sexual Choking Is Not as Safe as You Think: A Call to Action from Sex Researchers and Kink Educators. Arch Sex Behav. 2026;55(6):2397-2412. doi:10.1007/s10508-026-03481-7

Grades: A systematic review or official classification, B peer-reviewed study, C expert or community organisation, D practice from the community without research. How we grade sources.

Every claim was checked against its source before publication. Last checked 8 October 2026.