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A path in seven steps. Take them in your own time; most people spend a long while on the first two.

The consent cycleSix steps in a circle: learn, talk, negotiate, play with check-ins, aftercare, reflect, and back to learning.Consent isongoingLearnTalkNegotiatePlay, with check-insAftercareReflect
Consent is not a single yes. It is revisited before, during and after every scene.

  1. Learn the words

    Much of the worry people feel comes from not having words for what they are curious about. Start with Kink, BDSM and Consent in the glossary.

  2. Notice what draws you

    Fantasies are common and do not have to become plans. Is it normal to have kinky fantasies? What research says summarises what surveys actually find.

  3. Understand consent in kink

    Consent here is informed, ongoing and can be withdrawn at any time. Read Consent in kink: informed, ongoing, revocable.

  4. Talk to a partner

    A first conversation does not need a plan, only honesty and curiosity. How to talk to your partner about kink has openings you can borrow.

  5. Map desires and limits together

    Fill in the yes/no/maybe list separately, then compare. Hard and soft limits: how to set and revisit them explains how to set and revisit limits.

  6. Start small, with a safeword

    Agree on a Safeword or the traffic-light system before anything begins. How to negotiate a scene walks through a short negotiation.

  7. Plan aftercare and check in

    What happens after matters as much as what happens during. Aftercare: what it is and how to plan it and check-in explain why.

If something in a relationship feels wrong rather than exciting, go straight to help and resources.