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Metamour

A metamour, sometimes spelled metamor, is a general term for the lover of one's lover, or the partner of one's partner, with whom one is not directly romantically involved.[1]

Sources: grade B×3, grade C×5. Last checked 13 October 2026. What the grades mean

Examples include the girlfriend of one's husband or the boyfriend of one's boyfriend.[2] The word describes a connection that runs through a shared partner rather than a direct romantic bond between the two people.[1]

In polyamory, people are usually encouraged to see their partners' other significant others, often called metamours or OSOs, in terms of the gain to their partners' lives rather than as a threat to their own.[3][4] This outlook is linked to compersion, which describes positive feelings when an intimate partner is enjoying another relationship.[5]

Ideally, a partner's partners are accepted as part of that person's life rather than merely tolerated.[6] Kitchen table polyamory is a style in which all members of a polycule are comfortable and connected enough to gather for holidays, birthdays or other important times, and not all members are necessarily involved with every other person.[7]

Some people practise parallel polyamory, in which members of individual relationships prefer not to meet or know details of their partners' other relationships.[7]

Sources

  1. Source grade C"Metamours: Everything to Know About Your Lover's Lover" . Cosmopolitan . December 14, 2021 . Retrieved July 21, 2024 . cosmopolitan.com; Carey, Michael (November 27, 2013). "A Lexicon of Alternative Sexualities, Part 3: More Poly Neologisms" . Slate . ISSN 1091-2339 . Retrieved July 21, 2024 . slate.com; Bergner, Interviews by Daniel (April 15, 2024). "Lessons From a 20-Person Polycule" . The New York Times . ISSN 0362-4331 . Retrieved July 22, 2024 . nytimes.com (via Wikipedia: Polyamory)
  2. Source grade C"Metamours: Everything to Know About Your Lover's Lover" . Cosmopolitan . December 14, 2021 . Retrieved July 21, 2024 . cosmopolitan.com (via Wikipedia: Polyamory)
  3. Source grade C"Black and Poly Dictionary" . Black and Poly . November 13, 2017. Archived from the original on July 1, 2019 . Retrieved May 10, 2010 . blackandpoly.org (via Wikipedia: Polyamory)
  4. Source grade BAttridge, Mark (February 4, 2013). "Jealousy and Relationship Closeness" . SAGE Open . 3 (1) 2158244013476054: 215824401347605. doi : 10.1177/2158244013476054 . doi.org (via Wikipedia: Polyamory)
  5. Source grade BMcCullough, Derek; Hall, David S. (February 27, 2003). "Polyamory – What it is and what it isn't" . Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality . 6 . Archived from the original on December 10, 2020 . Retrieved December 23, 2020 . web.archive.org; Yuen, Hin Sing; Zörlein, Luu; Walter, Sven (June 17, 2024). "It is not just 'the opposite of jealousy': a Buddhist perspective on the emotion of compersion in consensually non-monogamous relationships" . Asian Journal of Philosophy . 3 (2): 40. doi : 10.1007/s44204-024-00171-w . ISSN 2731-4642 . doi.org; Sheff, Elisabeth (December 17, 2013). "Jealousy and Compersion with Multiple Partners – How polys deal with jealousy and feel happy when their lover loves someone else" . Psychology Today . Retrieved June 28, 2014 . {{ cite journal }} : CS1 maint: deprecated archival service ( link ) psychologytoday.com; "Polyamory Society Glossary" . Archived from the original on August 7, 2013 . Retrieved December 26, 2006 . polyamorysociety.org (via Wikipedia: Polyamory)
  6. Source grade CStreet, Mikelle (December 3, 2020). "YungBlud Opens Up About Sexuality, Talks Male Hookups" . Out . Archived from the original on December 3, 2020 . Retrieved December 14, 2020 . out.com (via Wikipedia: Polyamory)
  7. Source grade BBergdall, Melissa K.; Blumer, Markie L. C. (January 2, 2015). "More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory, by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert". Journal of Feminist Family Therapy . 27 (1): 40– 45. doi : 10.1080/08952833.2015.1005963 . ISSN 0895-2833 . S2CID 143233814 . doi.org; Veaux, Franklin; Rickert, Eve (2014). More than two : a practical guide to ethical polyamory . Thorntree Press. ISBN 9780991399703 . OCLC 878396611 . search.worldcat.org (via Wikipedia: Polyamory)
  8. Source grade CFrom PolyOz glossary: "Not in the [linguistic roots of the term] but very important is the commitment to honesty with all partners, and openly negotiated ground rules." Scm-rpg.com Archived February 27, 2009, at the Wayback Machine polyoz.scm-rpg.com.au; From sexuality.org [ link removed ] : "Two of the cultural cornerstones of the polyamory community are honesty and communication: it's expected that you and your existing long-term partner(s) will have talked over what you're comfortable with and what you aren't comfortable with, and that nobody is going around behind anyone else's back." (via Wikipedia: Polyamory)

Grades: A systematic review or official classification, B peer-reviewed study, C expert or community organisation, D practice from the community without research. How we grade sources.

Every claim was checked against its source before publication. Last checked 13 October 2026.