Soft restraint, an introduction

Before you begin

Bondage requires and implies a level of trust and a surrender of control by the restrained partner to the active partner[2].

Safewords are usually agreed before play begins by everyone taking part[3].

A safeword is usually spoken, but it can also be a physical or visual gesture[4].

Light restraint, from which the restrained partner could escape without great effort, is described as film bondage[5].

Ask each other

• What would each of us like this evening to feel like, and what is off the table?
• Which safeword or signal will we use, and what will we do when we hear it?
• Do we want a traffic-light system for check-ins, and who will ask?
• Is there anything about how you feel physically or emotionally that I should know before we start?
• How would each of us like the evening to end?

How the evening goes

1. Conversation and limits 20 min

   Sit together, fully dressed and sober, and talk through your wishes, limits and the questions above. Agree what you will and will not do before any equipment is touched.

2. Safewords and set-up 15 min

   Choose your safeword or gesture and the traffic-light colours, then say them aloud so both of you know them. Lay out the soft cuffs or wide ties and the blindfold, and decide together whether the blindfold will be used at all.

3. Light restraint 30 min

   Use the soft cuffs or wide ties loosely, so that the restrained partner could free themselves without great effort. Keep talking throughout, and let the restrained partner set the pace.

4. Check-in and release 10 min

   Release the restraints and ask how hands, arms and shoulders feel. Check for numbness, coldness or changes in skin colour, and talk about how the evening went.

5. Winding down 15 min

   Stay together in a calm, comfortable way with water and a blanket if you wish. Ask each other what was good, what you would change, and whether anything needs attention.

Aftercare

Continuous communication and observation of the restrained person's physical condition may be used to identify signs of distress or injury[8].

One exploratory study found that marks and injuries from BDSM-related activities are common and quite varied[10].

In a large community survey, some kink-involved people reported delaying or avoiding healthcare because of anticipated stigma[11].