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Vanilla

Vanilla is a colloquial term for conventional sex, meaning sexual behaviour within the range of normality for a culture or subculture, and it can also describe penetrative sex that has no element of BDSM, kink or fetish.[1]

Sources: grade B×2, grade C×7. Last checked 8 October 2026. What the grades mean

What is regarded as conventional sex depends on cultural and subcultural norms.[1]

In relationships where only one partner enjoys less conventional forms of sexual expression, the partner who enjoys them less is often called the vanilla partner.[2] They can easily be wrongly branded unadventurous in sexual matters.[2] Through exploration with a partner, a more vanilla-minded person may discover new facets of their sexuality.[3]

The word plays on two meanings: the flavour vanilla and the sense of conventional, depending on context.[4] Vanilla has been the most common ice cream flavour for over 200 years, which led to its association with being plain, basic or conventional.[5] The figurative meaning was added in the 1970s, though earlier examples exist.[6] In 1997 the OED expanded the definition to include sexual contexts, particularly vanilla sex.[6]

A munch is a casual social gathering for people involved in or interested in kink, BDSM, alternative relationship lifestyles, or fetishes.[7] Most munches are described as vanilla events where no BDSM, kink or fetish activities take place.[8] Unlike a play party, a munch is an informal affair that discourages fetish attire or BDSM play.[9]

Sources

  1. Source grade CLoynaz, Annette (August 2021). Exploring Personality and Sexual Behavior: BDSM and Vanilla Practices as Complementary Lenses (Doctoral dissertation). San Francisco State University . p. 31. doi : 10.46569/20.500.12680/1g05fh796 . Retrieved 2025-04-16 . scholarworks.calstate.edu (via Wikipedia: Conventional sex)
  2. Source grade CNichols, Margaret (2006). "Psychotherapeutic Issues With 'Kinky' Clients: Clinical Problems, Yours and Theirs" . In Kleinplatz, Peggy J.; Moser, Charles (eds.). Sadomasochism: Powerful Pleasures . New York: Harrington Park Press. pp. 281– 300. ISBN 978-1-56023-639-9 . OCLC 61758612 . Retrieved 9 November 2011 . Paper on the difficulties facing "vanilla partners". Sadomasochism: Powerful Pleasures ipgcounseling.com (via Wikipedia: Conventional sex)
  3. Source grade CGoerlich, Stefani (2023). With Sprinkles on Top: Everything Vanilla People and Their Kinky Partners Need to Know to Communicate, Explore, and Connect . Sounds True. ISBN 978-1649630346 . books.google.com (via Wikipedia: Conventional sex)
  4. Source grade BTiidenberg, K.; Paasonen, S.; Sundén, J.; Vihlman, M. (2023). "Vanilla normies and fellow pervs: Boundary work on sexual platforms" . Sexualities . 28 ( 5– 6): 1794– 1810. doi : 10.1177/13634607231215763 . doi.org (via Wikipedia: Conventional sex)
  5. Source grade C"Why plain old vanilla is the world's favourite ice cream flavour" . CBC Radio . May 19, 2022 . Retrieved 2025-09-07 . cbc.ca (via Wikipedia: Conventional sex)
  6. Source grade CMurrell-Harvey, Cecilia (2014). "Lexiculture: Papers on English Words and Culture" (PDF) . Glossographia . Wayne State University . Archived from the original (PDF) on 2014-07-15. web.archive.org (via Wikipedia: Conventional sex)
  7. Source grade CShorb, David (2019-07-02). "The BDSM Gathering Known as a Munch" . Medium . Retrieved 2020-07-12 . medium.com (via Wikipedia: Munch (BDSM))
  8. Source grade BWebster, Craig; Ivanov, Stanislav Hristov (2019). "Events Are Bound to Happen, Spank You Very Much: The Importance of Munch Events in the BDSM Community" . Event Management . 23 (4): 669– 684. doi : 10.2139/ssrn.3461218 . papers.ssrn.com (via Wikipedia: Munch (BDSM))
  9. Source grade C"Munch: A Kink & BDSM Social Gathering" . KYNK 101 . Retrieved 2022-09-25 . kynk101.com (via Wikipedia: Munch (BDSM))

Grades: A systematic review or official classification, B peer-reviewed study, C expert or community organisation, D practice from the community without research. How we grade sources.

Every claim was checked against its source before publication. Last checked 8 October 2026.